Cutting the Cord: How to Set Financial Boundaries Without Guilt
- brownmoneysolution
- May 13
- 3 min read
May 13, 2025
Do you feel emotionally and financially drained because someone in your life constantly relies on you for support with little to no accountability on their end?
Maybe it’s a grown child who’s able-bodied but not contributing, a sibling who always need to “borrow” money, ore a relative who treats your generosity as their safety net. And now, you’re at the crossroads, wondering:
💭How do I say “no” without feeling guilty?
💭How do I stop being someone else’s financial cushion without ruining the relationship?
💭 How do I protect my peace and my future?
You’re not alone. And here’s the truth:
“You should not make dependents out of individuals who are capable of being independent.”
That line shifted everything for me. It made me look at my own life and the lives of my clients with fresh eyes.
The Cost of Being Someone’s Financial Backup Plan
Many of us step up because we’re taught that it’s our duty to help family. And while supporting one another is beautiful, there’s a difference between helping and enabling.
Here’s what enabling can look like:
Paying someone’s rent month after month while they don’t seek work
Letting a grown child use your car without accountability or limits
Covering bills for someone who mismanages their money consistently
Meanwhile, you are
Cutting back on your own needs
Falling behind on your retirement goals
Staying in jobs you no longer love
Living with financial anxiety because you’re stretched too thin
Let me ask you this:
If something happened to you today, what would that person do?
The answer is simple: They would figure it out.
Because they would have no other choice.
Question to Ask Yourself Before Cutting the Cord
1. How many working years do I have left?
Is this support impacting my ability to retire or pay off debt?
2. Am I sacrificing my health or peace of mind?
Are you stressed, anxious, or resentful while they seem unbothered?
3. Does this person demonstrate personal responsibility?
Are they making efforts to change or just depending on your “yes”?
4. Have I clearly communicated expectations or boundaries?
Have they been given a timeline or any accountability structure?
How to Start Setting Financial Boundaries
If you’re ready to reclaim your peace and plan for future, here’s how to begin:
1. Be Honest and Clear
Have a direct conversation. Let them know:
You’ve reviewed your finances.
You are no longer able to continue supporting them long-term
You want to see them succeed but you can’t be their lifeline forever.
2. Create a Transition Plan (If Appropriate)
If they are actively trying to change:
Set a clear end date for your financial support.
Offer non-financial support instead, such as helping with resume and job search.
Break it down: “I can support you until (date), and then you’ll need to take over.”
If they are not making progress:
You may need to cut things off more firmly.
Consider reducing support gradually or stopping it altogether.
3. Start with Small Boundaries
If cold turkey feels too difficult, try this:
“You can no longer use my care.”
“I’m not covering your phone bill after next exam.”
“I’m happy to offer advice, but I can’t give you money.”
Final Thought: You’re Not Being Selfish, you’re being Wise
Saying “no” to others is really about saying “yes” to your future self.
You can still be loving, kind, and supportive without sabotaging your peace or your plans.
You are not a bad person for choosing financial health over financial enabling.
You are not a failure for setting boundaries.
You are not responsible for someone else’s refusal to grow.
So, ask yourself:
👉 What would my life look like if I stopped carrying other people’s responsibilities?
👉 What could I build for myself if I had that money and that peace back?
Start small. Start now.
Cut the cord. Reclaim your life.
Resources:
Book: Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No by Dr. Henry Cloud & Dr. John Townsend
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