The Cost of Love: Motherhood, Money & the Pressure to Provide

May 6, 2025

Happy Mother’s Day beautiful people.

Today I want to take a moment to celebrate every mother. Whether you’re a mom by birth, adoption, community, or love, you are seen, appreciated, and valued.

But let’s talk about something many of us carry quietly: the pressure to provide.

The Unspoken Weight We Carry

Motherhood is one of the most sacred, demanding jobs there is and there’s no manual. We figure it out as we go, and along the way, we absorb a lot of pressure. Pressure to do things right. To raise our children “well.” And often, that pressure shows up as the need to spend.

We want our kids to have the best, especially if we didn’t have much growing up. So, we say yes in the store aisle, even when the budget says no. We sign up for every sport, every program, even if it stretches our time, money, and energy. And we do it because we love them deeply. But we must ask: Are we trying to buy memories, or build them?

What the Numbers Say

This pressure isn’t by accident. The U.S. makes up about 4% of the world’s population, however we account for nearly 30% of global consumer spending. The children’s toy market alone is worth over $25 billion. Marketing campaigns know exactly how to target us. They pull on our emotions with lines like:

• “If you love them, you’ll buy this.”

• “Don’t let them miss out.”

  
  

And while there’s nothing wrong with wanting to treat our kids, we must pause and ask is it sustainable? Is it necessary?

My Own Journey as a Mother

Before I had kids, I didn’t see myself as the “motherly” type. I wasn’t the one rushing to hold babies or dream about motherhood. I was focused on changing my financial story. But when my boys came along, my instincts kicked in and so did the guilt.

I’ve caught myself giving more than I could afford, not out of recklessness, but out of love. I’ve said yes to things I shouldn’t have. Especially when it came to sports and activities. I wanted to give them everything. But the truth is, I was trying to fill an emotional gap I didn’t even know I still carried from childhood.

Thankfully, I’ve learned to pause. To say, “not right now.” And remember that sometimes love has limits.

What They Remembered the Most

Here’s the thing: my kids don’t talk about the expensive toys or gadgets. What they bring up again and again are the experiences. The aquarium trips, the dinosaur park, the moments we cheered them on from the sidelines.

Sure, they love their Legos and remote-controlled cars. But once they outgrow them, they’re just…gone. Meanwhile, the stories they share, the laughter, the bonding, the memories, they last.

To Every Mother Reading This

I want you to hear me clearly: you are enough.

Whether you’re parenting solo, co-parenting, foster parenting, or holding it down in ways the world doesn’t always see, your love is not defined by the money you spend. It’s defined by the way you show up.

You don’t need to go broke to prove that you care. You don’t need to carry the weight of every holiday or birthday on your shoulders. What you can do is:

• Create a “love list”: Ask your children what their favorite family memory is.

• Set a spending limit ahead of time: Planning with peace is better than reacting under pressure.

• Talk to your kids about money: Boundaries aren’t punishment, they’re lessons.

• Practice gratitude daily: Reflecting on small blessings helps shift the focus from what we lack to what we cherish or have.

  
  

For the Grieving Mothers

To all the mothers’ mourning a loss, whether from miscarriage, illness, tragedy, or any form of heartbreak, we are especially thinking of you today. It goes without saying your motherhood is real. Your love is eternal. And your presence, even in grief, matters deeply.

May you feel surrounded by comfort and held in grace.

As I close, I want to remind you: You’re doing the best you can. And that’s more than enough.

Wishing every mother reading this, a happy, beautiful, and peace-filled Mother’s Day.

With love.

The family at Brown Financial Solutions