The Façade I Had to Let Go – Why Pretending to Have It All Together Almost Cost Me Peace

November 18th, 2025

As individuals, our identity and the way people see us are deeply important, especially in our families and social circles.

To shatter those perceptions can be difficult, especially when people put you on a pedestal or see you in a certain light.

For me, that light was “the one who made it.”

I was the responsible one. The one with the “good job.” the one who’d figured life out. My family looked to me for advice, sometimes even for solutions to their own problems.

They respected my opinion. They believed I was financially stable. They believed I had money.

Were they wrong? Absolutely.

How the Perception Began

Honestly, I’m not sure how that perception started. I didn’t wear high-end designer brands. I shopped at Marshalls, Burlington, Kohl’s and occasionally Macy’s if I needed something special. I drove a Honda SUV.

But I did step up in ways that looked like success.

I was the first to buy a home. I had a steady career. I wasn’t taking the bus anymore.

And from the outside, that looked like stability.

The Truth Behind the Image

What my family didn’t see was the other side. The bills, the debt, the financial juggling act.

I had a car note. Student loans. Personal loans. Credit cards.

I was “managing,” but not thriving. I had built an image of success without the foundation of peace underneath it.

When I finally opened up about my financial struggles, it was right before the holidays around Thanksgiving.

I told my family that this year, there would be no big gift exchange and that the dinner menu would be smaller.

They were shocked. Some didn’t take it well.

But I had reached my breaking point.

I couldn't keep up the façade anymore, not at the expense of my mental and financial well-being.

The Pressure to Keep Up

I know so many people who live under this same pressure.

One friend, known for her impeccable style, told me she never wears the same outfit twice. To keep up that image, she subscribed to “Rent the Runway” so she could rotate her wardrobe constantly.

She really does love fashion, that’s her passion. But the added pressure to maintain an image, even while her credit cards are maxed out and her savings account is empty, is exhausting and unsustainable.

Freedom is honesty

After the shock wore off, something amazing happened.

The world didn’t end. The ceiling didn’t cave in.

Instead, I felt lighter.

I could finally have honest conversations about money, real money. My family saw me go through my financial transformation, and it inspired them to begin their own.

My mom paid off her debt, bought her first home, and increased her retirement contributions. Now, she can walk into any store knowing she has money in the bank not anxiety in her chest.

And me?

I became a financial coach.

Today, my family and friends come to me to talk about money not because I have it all together, but because I’m honest about what it takes to get there.

The Lesson

When you change your financial story, the ripple effect is powerful.

Your courage to stop pretending doesn’t just free you, it frees the people around you, the people in your household, and even generations you haven’t met yet.

Authenticity builds wealth in ways image never can.

💚 Keep your Money Irie. 

About Petra-Ann Brown

Petra-Ann Brown is the founder of Brown Financial Solutions, LLC, a financial coaching practice that empowers individuals to take control of their financial lives. She is also the host of Island Money 365 podcast, where she shares inspiring immigrant stories and provides invaluable financial resources to the community.